A little late and very long overdue, the story of my life, is my birth story of our little G-man. David and I had resided in ourselves that we most likely would not have children. I was so focused on my career and nurturing the business that kids were about number 136 on the list of to-do’s. Then, my grandfather passed in June 2013 and as I stood there the evening of the wake, with my entire family surrounding him, I thought to myself that I could not do this any longer. I owed it to myself and my parents to not let the Klug-Barnett story to end with me. So, I went home that night and told David that I was ready to start a family. Little did I know that two weeks later I would find out that I was already pregnant. I truly believe that this pregnancy was a divine intervention from my grandfather.
So…fast forward 41 weeks. My doctor had assured me that he would not let me go more than 1-2 days past my due date. He said that it is best for both mommy and baby that we don’t. So when my due date came and went and my stomach starting growing 5cm’s in a week, I was ready to go. My due date was the 27th of March. That Friday, I went to see the doctor for my weekly visit and I wasn’t dialated one single bit. The doctor decided to call for an induction the following Tuesday, as I requested that my little boy NOT be born on April fools day. So I waited the weekend and looked anxiously and nervously towards Tuesday.
Tuesday morning arrived and I woke up around 5 am to what they call the “bloody show”. I wish they could come up with something fancier or prettier than that term, but I guess they call it like it is. Because I had NO idea what was going on since this was my first pregnancy, I called and woke my doctor. He told me to sit tight and just wait to go the hospital at 8 pm, which was my scheduled induction time.
At 10 pm, I was finally admitted into the hospital and to my disbelief, I was already 3 cm dialated. They started the pitocin and I was on my way. I planned on a natural birth, but at 3 am, my labor progressed into back labor, which I am told is the most painful. Which IT WAS!!! All my rules flew out the door as I demanded the epidural. After that I was on cloud 9 or 10 or 11…I was SOOOO happy and I sat there for the next 12 hours watching my heart rate and G-man’s. Let me add this fun note here that I am an EXTREMELY private person and I did not believe anyone when they told me I would not care and just want the baby out. By the time it I was told to start pushing I could have had a whole circus in there. I didn’t care AND I was happy about it. Seriously!!! Got to love that epidural!
At 3:30 pm they told me it was time to push…and after 16 hours of labor, at 4:38 pm our little man was born. I was told over the years that it is the worst pain and the most forgettable pain. To be honest, when I was pushing I had about 1 million things going through my head…feelings, thoughts of change and planning for life and my business. It was honestly crazy. Even during labor I was multi-tasking and compartmentalizing.
I cannot put into words the rush of emotion I felt when they laid him on my chest for the first time. I don’t think I have ever cried so hard in my life. David was by my side and crying out, “He’s so cute! He’s so cute!” What a moment. I really lived in it and took it all in as I knew it was to be celebrated and appreciated. I had waited so long for him to come and now he was here. Any mother out there can probably attest to these same feelings.
I cannot say enough wonderful words about my labor and delivery nurse at St. John’s Mercy. That woman made everything so easy for me, gave me all the instruction that I needed and the support that I was looking for as I was so nervous that something was going to happen to me.
Now for the part that I did not expect – the Baby Blues. I read about this throughout my pregnancy and thought it would not happen to me. I just blew it off. Then I got home and after two days with my son, I thought the world was crashing around me. My feelings of disconnect were never directed towards G-man, but completely directed towards myself. I became so emotional and so scared of losing everything. I was scared of losing G-man, David, Oscar (our pug) and my business. I felt like the business was falling apart and that there was nothing I could do to fix it. I felt like I had lost all of my strength and creativity and I was going to have to “close shop” and go back to the “corporate world”. I was so fearful that I was going to have to put G-man into day care and not be able to be with him to raise him the way that I wanted. I thought I would miss all of those first special moments and all of this together just made me cry…and cry…and cry.
I have NEVER in my life doubted myself. I have always had in me this belief that if I dream it, it WILL happen, but the “Baby Blues” completely threw me for a loop. As the weeks went on and my hormones began to settle, I found myself, my regular self, coming back to normal. Good news is that the “baby blues” passed. I never anticipated this – honestly – and I could not LOVE being a mommy more than I do. G-man has my whole heart. He has brought my husband and my family together in ways that I will be forever grateful for. That first smile and cuddle every morning when he wakes up, is the BEST feeling I have ever had and I do my best to appreciate and revel in it as he is growing so fast.
I thank all of you out there; family, friends and clients who supported me through my entire pregnancy and now. You are all so wonderful and I hope you enjoy the story of how my little family came to be. I love my little family and I am so incredibly blessed! xoxo